Monday, April 23, 2012

Jewish Clay Aiken

I made this for an upcoming Uncyclopedia article parodying that dreidel song, Clay Aiken and his often joked-about sexual orientation. It's so freaking beautiful, am I right?

"I got 99 problems..."

More musical bollocks made famous thanks to the powa of the Internets.

This is actually worse than Rebecca Black's Friday, in my opinion. At least that one was catchy and bad in kind of a good way. This is just lame; very annoying. Of course, I'm sure after I watch it dozens of times (and it's inevitable that I will), it'll become an earworm buried deep into my brain to the point that I like it against my free will, à la The Wrath of Khan.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

New Uncyclopedia article: The Return of Dick Clark's Balls

UnNews:Dick Clark dies; testicles live on

In 2009, I wrote UnNews:Dick Clark's Ball Drops for New Year's Eve. Considering Dick Clark kicked the proverbial bucket this week, I had to write a follow-up. While the original was stupid for the sake of stupid, the sequel epitomizes stupidity.

And what better Uncyclopedian tribute to Dick Clark than an obsessive focus on his genitals?

I threw as many jokes and non-sequitors against the wall to see what would stick. I pointed out the fact that his cameos on Futurama are ruined now that he's been cremated. Really, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if he didn't appear in the freaking pilot. I also referenced the Naked Pope, a running joke from another Uncyclopedian I know.

The best part was that I got to use that testicle image for the third time. I wrote this last year as a goof - and partly to annoy one of the news bureaucrats - and it caused a minor shitstorm. As my own running joke, I post that pic in news articles whenever possible. I'm going to milk those balls dry. So to speak.

There is nothing Freudian going on here.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012


"Remember, it's better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Lisa Simpson

Welcome to my blizzog. No, I am not Snoop Dogg.

Yes, I'm so white that I can run naked in the snow to escape a hired assassine against me.