New articles: Constellations and pop music

Andromeda

This is mostly about the Ethiopian princess in Greek mythology, although there is some passing reference to the name in astronomical significance and the sci-fi series. I'm thinking that most people who type in "Andromeda" in the search box will looking for the show, only to find a bunch of crap about Greek mythology and one piddly paragraph insulting it.

I alluded to the fact that I actually do hope I can name my future daughter 'Andromeda'. However, I figure the only way that is possible is to marry an even bigger astronomy geek than myself, or maybe a black chick.

UnTunes:Replay

This isn't so much a parody as an annoying homage. My favorite reference is the one to Groundhog Day. The day I wrote most of this and moved it to mainspace, Groundhog Day came on tv that night, so I added the animated gif.

New Uncyclopedia article: Elizabeth Warren destroys the universe

 UnNews:Elizabeth Warren destroys the universe

Damn liberals are destroying the universe!

I love how my 1/16th Native American heritage beats liberal darling Elizabeth Warren's supposed 1/32nd. The best part is that I didn't even have to research anything. I simply walked into the living room and asked my great-grandmother how much Indian blood she has. Trust me, if you actually saw her, you wouldn't doubt at all that she was roughly half-Cherokee.

Still, it's almost eye-rolling how the media and the political systems treat this like it's a real controversy, as if the ethnicity of Elizabeth Warren's great-great-great grandmother from the 1800s should matter to Massachusetts voters. Maybe they want to reinstate segregation?

Thus, with the power of pseudoscience and hyperbole, I sci-fi'd that shit up and made it as though the fate of the entire universe rests on Elizabeth Warren's heritage. This way I get to drop throwaway gags about the crying Indian and Stephen Hawking crapping himself.

New Uncyclopedia article: The Return of Dick Clark's Balls

UnNews:Dick Clark dies; testicles live on

In 2009, I wrote UnNews:Dick Clark's Ball Drops for New Year's Eve. Considering Dick Clark kicked the proverbial bucket this week, I had to write a follow-up. While the original was stupid for the sake of stupid, the sequel epitomizes stupidity.

And what better Uncyclopedian tribute to Dick Clark than an obsessive focus on his genitals?

I threw as many jokes and non-sequitors against the wall to see what would stick. I pointed out the fact that his cameos on Futurama are ruined now that he's been cremated. Really, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if he didn't appear in the freaking pilot. I also referenced the Naked Pope, a running joke from another Uncyclopedian I know.

The best part was that I got to use that testicle image for the third time. I wrote this last year as a goof - and partly to annoy one of the news bureaucrats - and it caused a minor shitstorm. As my own running joke, I post that pic in news articles whenever possible. I'm going to milk those balls dry. So to speak.

There is nothing Freudian going on here.